Celebrity Dirty Jokes

Celebrity Dirty Jokes Mon 10 Jul 06 11:11
GEORGE CLOONEY: A guy is in a bar. He's so drunk he throws up all over himself. He tells the bartender, "What am I doing? When I go home my wife's going to kill me..." The bartender puts twenty dollars in his shirt pocket and says, "Go home..." Have you heard this one?
QUINT: No, I haven't heard it.
GEORGE CLOONEY: He says, "Go home and tell your wife you were in a bar and a guy came up... he was drunk, threw up all over you, but put $20 in your shirt pocket." He goes home, walks in and his wife says, "Hap, look at you. You threw up all over yourself!"
He goes, "Honey, a guy got drunk and threw up on me and he put $20 in my shirt pocket." She reaches in and pulls out $40 and says, "What's the other $20 for?" He says, "He shit in my pants, too!"

MAGGIE GRACE: Umm... alright. This guy goes through this horrible break-up with his girlfriend and goes into a bar. He's just slamming 'em back, right? There's a woman tending the bar and she's like, "Man, why are you so down?" The man says, "My girlfriend just broke up with me. She says I'm too kinky."
She goes, "Oh, my God! My boyfriend just dumped me. He said I was too kinky!" He goes, "Really, what time do you get off?" So, they hit it off, they hook up... She agrees to leave with him when her shift is over and they go back to her place.
She's like, "Well, I'm just gonna go slip into something a little more uncomfortable" and leaves for a few minutes. She comes back and he's halfway out the door. She's like, "What's the deal, man? I mean, I thought we were gonna have a good time."
He says, "Honey, I already shit in your purse and fcuked your cat. What else do you want?"